i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
