First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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