jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
