I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
