fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize