i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
