he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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