how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize