But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Can I color on your dick again?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
