just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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