I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
