So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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