i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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