we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
