so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
