This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
