she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
