Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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