I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
