Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
