those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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