i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pooping to opera.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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