Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
3 2 1 whiskey
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
