I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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