i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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