Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
