I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
