When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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