I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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