dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
