You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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