we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
