the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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