I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
