if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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