I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
