They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
