i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
