So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
