I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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