I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
