all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize