The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
