TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
