idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
