I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
