if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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