I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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