I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
