you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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