Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it because I queefed?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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