how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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