Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you made out with another girl for some wings
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
