you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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