I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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