I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
