i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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