Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
