I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
