i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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