Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
