I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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